Isn’t it peculiar, yet utterly fascinating, how a single song can unexpectedly seize your soul, igniting a passion within you that you didn’t even know existed?
Well, in my case, this musical magic occurred the first time I listened to ‘Gvulot Higayon‘ by the extraordinarily talented and criminally underrated Nathan Goshen. It was more than just a song; it was a gateway, a portal that unveiled a new world for me: the world of the Hebrew language, in all its complexity and captivating beauty.
Seeds of Admiration and a Heavy History
I had never truly engaged with the language of Hebrew until that pivotal moment. And yet growing up, I listened to my grandaunt’s stories – stories about her Jewish neighbours and the incredible Israeli doctors who had saved the lives of her friends. I still remember her eyes twinkling with fondness, admiration and gratitude. Those stories painted, deservedly, a picture of a nation overflowing with compassion, skill and intelligence.
I still remember the first time I learned about the Holocaust in school, and the weight of that important knowledge settled upon me, heavy and suffocating. And even though the Holocaust did not occur in the land of Israel, the horrific events of the Holocaust had a profound impact on the Jewish identity, international attitudes toward Jewish suffering, and the Zionist movement.
Yes, I still remember that even on that young age I was trying so hard to understand the ‘why’. Why so much hate against people who never hurt anyone? I struggled to comprehend that level of evilness that simply made no sense.
I remember the profound impact of reading Anne Frank’s diary—the sadness and admiration I felt for her resilience and passion for life. Her introspection and hope reflected the very essence of the stories I had heard from my grandaunt. Both served as testaments to the resilience found within the Jewish soul — a resilience that not only survived atrocities but also flourished into a thriving culture and society, exemplified by the modern state of Israel.
A Gateway Through Music…
So yes, I knew, of course, about the state of Israel, that beautiful land with its vibrant culture and ethos. Yet, I didn’t know its language, its heart… Until one day, out of nowhere, YouTube recommended a song to me—just a song…
It wasn’t just the beautiful music, it wasn’t just the magnificent voice of Mr. Goshen, it was also the words—the language that sounded like music to my ears. All of it was so bright, white and warm. Oh, I was swept over. No, I couldn’t understand not even a single word and yet I remember that a series of images run through my head during that moment; images of pain, love, sorrow, peace and hope… I didn’t know what the words meant, but I knew that I wanted to understand that gorgeous language that had so deeply touched my heart just by one beautiful song. I wanted to learn its words, its rules and to be able to express myself. That was the day— the day I said out loud “I want to learn Hebrew”.
An Interrupted Journey and a New Beginning…
My journey of learning Hebrew was abruptly interrupted by the harsh realisation of narcissistic abuse. In that tumultuous period of my life, everything—absolutely everything—was folded and locked away in a drawer inside my head, stifled beneath the weight of shock, sorrow, pain and confusion… And my only target, my only goal, my only purpose was simply to flee, to escape, to be free.
Many years later—which felt like centuries—in a different place and time, in a completely different life, I found myself in a second-hand bookstore, and there it was: A self-teaching book about Hebrew. I remember smiling as I held it in my hands, memories flooding back: the song, the stories my grandaunt shared, and the language I had fallen in love with so many lifetimes ago. It was September 2023, and I had finally begun my journey of learning Hebrew…
The limits of logic. Again.
Only one month later, evil arrived. Again. On October 7th, 2023, Israel faced a brutal, inhumane attack by terrorists devoid of any humanity. Innocent lives were taken, families were shattered, friendships were torn apart, and countless innocent people were subjected to unimaginable suffering. An entire community of real fucking humans were left to grapple with the profound weight of trauma, pain, and loss. Yes, the Jewish identity, the Jewish spirit were suffering a pain that NEVER deserved. Once more, I found myself asking that constant sad and enraged ‘why’. Once more, I was trying to understand that level of fucking evil that again didn’t make any fucking sense.
Time passed by and yet I know that for some others out there, time has stopped; time was fucking stolen. It still angers me, it still disgusts me, it still saddens me. The courage of Israel in the face of such disgusting injustice and cruelty, only deepened my respect, admiration, and love for this beautiful nation.
Gvulot Higayon. The limits of logic.
Yes, the limits of logic become painfully apparent when we reflect on the enduring suffering of the Israeli and Jewish people. Throughout history, they have faced such cruelty, the type of inhumane cruelty that shattered lives, homes, and dreams and left painful scars that are both visible and invisible. Yet, amidst that black and red sea of fucking hardship, there remains a powerful, resilient spirit that refuses to give up…
How the hell do you expect me not to fucking respect that?
Life, love, purpose.
Humans come together, finding strength in one another, fostering bonds that give rise to hope for a better tomorrow. The limits of logic are there, ever-present, reminding us of our simple human restrictions, but it is in our vulnerability that we discover resilience and what truly highlights our humanity, is our capacity to care for one another. This is what fucking separates us from the monsters who may look like humans, but they’re not. This is what they will never understand.
And as for my desire to learn Hebrew, it has only intensified. What was once just an academic pursuit has now turned into a heartfelt endeavour and a deep passion that allows me to connect with a culture I have always admired. With every letter I begin to recognise and every small word that I continue to learn, I feel joy, a sense of purpose, and, of course, hope… The same hope that I felt before, so many years ago, when I was hearing stories from an extraordinary, resilient woman about some extraordinary and resilient humans…
.עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי
QUOTE OF THE DAY
― Anne Frank, ‘The Diary of a Young Girl’
“Where there’s hope, there’s life. It fills us with fresh courage and makes us strong again.”
Lavéina Encháusti
Through the power of writing, I aim to express my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. I delve into subjects that ignite my passion, pique my interest, anger me, or sadden me—things I hate and things that I passionately love. My quest is for truth, evolution, and catharsis. I hope my blog helps you find your own catharsis.
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